S

A miss is as good as her smile.


SADDUCEE  A person holding skeptical religious views.  Hopeless,
hence sad you see.

SAILOR  A man who makes his living on water but never touches it on
shore.

SANDWICH  An unsuccessful attempt to make both ends meat.

SAUSAGE  An aftermath of the dog-days.

SCAFFOLD  A work of art that rarely fails to get a hanging.

SCARECROW  An operator who repeatedly corners corn, without caws.

SCORCHER  A chauffeur in an all-fired hurry.

SCULPTOR  A poor unfortunate who makes faces and busts.

SELF-MADE  Complimentary term for a respectable crook.

SHAMROCK  A three-time loser as a racer at sea, but a four-time
winner as an "ad." for tea--and Sir T.

SHEPHERD  One who depends on a crook for a living.

SHIRT  Every man's bosom friend.

SILVER  A metallic form of opium, smoked by Presidential
impossibilities.

SINNER  A stupid person who gets found out.

SNAP  A brisk, energetic quality that enables a man with ginger to
take the cake.

SNORE  An unfavorable report from headquarters.

SOROSIS  A female gas company that lays its pipes on cultivated
grounds.

SPAGHETTI  A table-dish eaten only by Italians and jugglers.  From
Lat. spadix, branch, or fork, and gestamen, burden.  A burden for
the fork.

SPIDER  A busy weaver and a good correspondent, who drops a line by
every post.

STARS  The greatest astronomers known, having studded the heavens
for ages.

STAYS  A sort of straight-jacket employed in reforming women.

STOCKINGS  Woman's only savings for A Rainy Day.

STOCKS  An unreliable commodity bought and sold by gamblers.  If
you win, it's an investment; if you lose, a speculation.

STOVE-PIPE  A movable cylinder used as a receptacle for smoke and
profanity.

SPRING  Formerly a very delightful season but now obsolete except
in poetry and the Old Farmer's Almanac.

SPINSTER  An ember from which the sparks have flown.

SUBWAY  In Boston, a place where one may enjoy continuous
disturbance of the peace, disorderly conduct, assault and battery,
riot and rebellion.  These events are allowed by law, and the
entry-fee is five cents.

SUCCESS  A goal usually reached by those who employ their time in
cultivating a more definite aim in life rather than in searching
for a larger target.

SUMMER  An oppressive and expensive season invented by rural
cottage and hotel owners, railroad and steamboat companies and the
Iceman.

SUN  A yellow arrival from Way Down East, who goes west daily,
operates a heating and lighting trust, draws water, prints
pictures, develops crops, liquidates the ice business and tans
skins on the side.  Profits by his daily rays and always has a
shine.

SYMPATHY  Feeling for others very noticeable in Blind Man's Buff.

SYNDICATE  A conspiracy to extend the modest business established
by Captain Kidd.


Fortune knocks only once at a man's door--And she's the worst
Knocker in the world.

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